Archive for the 'femininity' Category


Let’s get busy!

let's get busyMake any New Year’s resolutions?  I did.  Actually, I’ve been thinking of it for quite some time and began it with my last post made in December.  “What was it?” you may ask.  It was to get busy!

The book and motion picture “Wild,” has been getting a lot of attention.   Society’s response to a strong female and her journey through grief to self-discovery has been encouraging.  It’s also been an awakening to the media for the need for more pivotal female roles on the page, stage and screen.  During a radio interview with Reese Witherspoon, the star and producer of the film adaptation of Cheryl Strayed’s book, “Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail,” Witherspoon referenced the lack of complex roles for women and responded by not only saying, but putting into action her comment:  “…nobody is doing this work.  I might as well get busy and do it myself.”

Obviously we don’t all have the resources like Witherspoon, but we do share the same perspective.  As a result, instead of expecting others to address the needs which have already been identified, I have decided to join Witherspoon and “get busy.”  What does this mean?  I believe that in each of our lives in our own way, we can make a difference to bring about change for gender equality.  From standing up for ourselves or others when confronted by sexism or working to make more opportunities for women available, we all contribute to society’s transformation.  No action is too small, so we must not minimize our efforts.  It’s changing our very way of thinking as a community; embracing our egalitarianism.

Awareness, education and recognition are vital.  However, without following that up with action in our daily lives, our society tends to find contentment with labeling gender discrimination as simply one of many issues which need addressing.  “Issues” tend not to have the same concern as crisis.  Why is it not a national crisis that women do not receive equal pay for equal work?  Why is it not a global crisis that women are surrounded and trapped by violence, rape and sex trafficking?  When perceived as an issue, it weakens the urgency of our condition.   This is nothing less than a crisis which demands action.

So let’s get busy!

Read interview with Reese Witherspoon


Support women artists by buying the book “Wild:  From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail” by Cheryl Strayed and see the movie.


the right to be you

the right to be youI have been on a hiatus of sorts.  It’s not because I haven’t had any thoughts, concerns or opinions about life.  I guess I just found myself coming up against the same roadblocks, questioning the source, perhaps a common one, of these consistent struggles.

Just the other night I was out with a beautiful artist.  I have seen her work many times and she is a kind-hearted, loving individual.  Yet I hear her say the very words which plague my own heart: can I do it?  Do I have any talent?  Am I beautiful?  I know the answer to all of these questions, but when we are alone with ourselves, we tend to create a comparison which always leaves us feeling less than.  Our society, especially American society, thrives on doing and results.  The expectations placed on us, especially women, make it almost impossible to find satisfaction and pride in oneself.

Society tells women that they must achieve an idyllic beauty which requires youth.  Obviously, this is impossible as we all age, but because so many others strive to reach this imposed rule, we do everything in our power to fulfill it.  Countless, beautiful, brilliant women of all ages with whom I’ve had the pleasure to know, have shared their fear of aging and remaining physically attractive.  The constant fear of gaining even a few pounds or showing signs of a wrinkle plagues their existence.

Then there’s the expectation that women should have it all; if they don’t have both a successful career and children, they disappoint someone.  Many women work hard to obtain an education and use it to compete in an unequal marketplace which not only expects them to give as much, but for less compensation.  Simultaneously, society also places pressure on women to have children whilst making it virtually impossible to maintain the same level of job performance.  Meanwhile, if they do give attention to their work, they may feel guilt or anxiety over their parental role.

As a result, society continues to place women in positions which inevitably cause them to seemingly fall short of its expectations in one area or another.  Personally, I’m tired of never feeling like enough.  No matter how much personal fulfillment I may find apart from society, as soon as I step off my island, I am reminded of my failures.

So how do we break this pattern?  How do we defy these expectations and create ones which build us up rather than tear each other down?  It is hard to walk this path against the grain alone and I don’t believe we are meant to go it alone.  Life is short.  Can we come together and simply claim the right to be ourselves?


apply here

apply hereRecently, I came across this job description under the title:  Director of Operations.  Would you apply?

Must be able to work 135+ hours a week
Ability to work overnight, associate needs pending
Willingness to forgo any breaks
Work mostly standing up and/or bending down
Must be able to lift up to 75 lbs. on a regular basis
Ph.D. in psychology or real-life equivalent
Crisis management skills a must
Ability to manage a minimum of 10-15 projects at one time
Ability to communicate at all levels (basic to advanced)
Ability to improvise
Proficient in handling sticky situations (literally and figuratively)
Ability to coordinate multiple, often conflicting, schedules
Ability to make independent decisions on behalf of others
Ability to work with associates with minimal ability
Ability to work in a chaotic environment
Frequent travel; minivan driving experience a plus
Excellent interpersonal skills and a collaborative approach
Flexible when it comes to surprise requests
Demonstrated knowledge and experience in negotiating, counseling and culinary arts
Unlimited patience
Understanding of social media, mobile devices and video games
Understanding of finance
Understanding of medicine
Selflessly driven
Valid driver’s license, CPR certification and Red Cross membership
Ability to wear several hats, professional and domestic
Positive disposition at all times

Those requirements all for a job that pays $0.

See who was crazy enough to apply and actually advertise to fill such a position:  Director of Operations


double edged sword of sexuality

double edged sword of sexualityAre women sexual beings without men?

Women’s sexuality has been a source of war and peace (not to sound cliché).  At one moment a man finds comfort in a woman’s body and in another he abuses it.  A woman’s sexuality seems to be something that for centuries has been taboo; perhaps too dangerous to be out in the open like a man’s accepted, “natural” sexuality.  After all, women aren’t sexual beings unless men make them that way, right?

Within one day, I witnessed two perfect examples of our current patriarchal culture’s view on women’s sexuality.  In one class, we watched videos of various performance artists who do work that is very counterculture.  One man performed naked while literally creating art with his own blood.  But that wasn’t what was shocking to society.  What really got people in an uproar was a woman performing naked.  This was an abomination.  The same artist made some recordings which were sexually explicit and were also deemed extremely offensive (while rap artists have been sharing their highly sexual and violent songs for decades).  All I could think of is the contrast between the two; because one was a man it was acceptable and viewed as serious art while the woman was condemned, considered hypersexual and irresponsible.

Upon leaving class I overheard a group of girls talking in the hallway.  One of them said that she was thinking of bringing a man at her work up on sexual harassment charges.  Her friends seemed shocked by this until she shared the absolutely lewd comments made in her presence, commenting on her body with another coworker.  My thought was to ask what kind of work environment was this that made this male feel that it was acceptable to speak that way?

Women’s sexuality is a double edged sword.  We do not have the same freedoms as men to celebrate and embrace our sexuality without condemnation, but we also fight against man’s objectification of us as purely sexual objects.  So how do we navigate this injustice and redefine our sexuality outside the patriarchal society?  Or are we satisfied with remaining merely objects?


a chance meeting of vaginas

a chance meeting of vaginasTonight I witnessed and participated in the power of a woman’s voice.

Not only did I get to see the Vagina monologues performed for the first time, but the cost of my ticket was donated to save the education and prevention program at SAVS; Sexual Assault Victim & Prevention Resources.  The statistics are staggering and yet they are not enough for the federal government to find it in their budget to fund this program.  It was an amazing experience to see how a small group of women rose up to fight for this much needed organization by hosting this event.  And the community responded.  Tonight it was sold out!

Make sure it is sold out the rest of weekend or find out more information on how to donate to SAVS at the following:

What was even more moving and inspiring to me, was the woman I met tonight by happenstance.  There was one empty seat beside me and she took it.  In a matter of minutes she shared that only recently had she taken the journey from being a victim of sexual assault to a survivor, despite the fact that the violation occurred decades ago.  She was afraid to speak up; told to be silent; her culture, her family demanded it.

Yet here she was; beautiful, strong and unafraid; the first night she had gone out by herself in years.  What an inspiration.  She shared how she didn’t know how to get to the venue; didn’t know where to park but found a spot directly outside.  Didn’t have money for the meter and someone generously gave it to her.  She didn’t even have a ticket to the sold out performance, but as she walked up to the window someone was selling theirs back.  And then she and I met.

“It was all meant to be,” she said.  I believe her.  I have never gotten into a car with a stranger, but we were no longer strangers.  She had shared her secret with me.  And it was no longer a secret; no longer shameful or dirty.  She was free.  And I got to witness it.  She was beautiful and hopes to pass on the strength of her voice to others.  She certainly has to me.


blazing the trail

blazing the trail041614It’s exciting to meet women pioneers.  Today I met such a one.

This is a woman director who has blazed a trail.  When I asked her how difficult it has been for her, she very honestly admitted that it’s been hard.  That it has taken her much longer to get to this point in her career and it will take us longer as well.  She shared how she notices when theatres announce their seasons the lack of women directors and playwrights.  And she encourages us to make noise; to bring this to their attention.

How can they not see it?  The absence of those who make up 50% of the earth’s inhabitants?  Looking through a patriarchal lens most wouldn’t notice it.  That’s where it becomes our responsibility to “make noise” as she calls it.  Many women do not like that idea; making noise.  It’s contrary to how we’ve been trained as women and how patriarchal society has defined femininity.  But we are obviously not being heard, so how else does our voice receive attention if we do not raise it?

There also still exists a severe lack of colorblind casting as well which needs to be addressed.  This too was presented through the patriarchal lens as white speakers thought the theatre’s come a long way, but minorities clearly disagreed.  It’s sad when the theatre, which I believe is made to look at all perspectives and stories, chooses to only see it from one limited point of view.

Despite all of this, I am very encouraged.  This female director’s example is a beacon of light to me and the other people that I have met, mostly men, have shown their openness to collaborate with artists of any gender.  This experience is giving me hope for the future as current and upcoming artists are open to new works with new messages to help shape and change our society.  I can only hope that I too can play a small part in blazing this trail to equality.


merely objects

dolce-and-gabbana-ss-2014-womens-advertising-campaign-04-zoomAre women merely objects?

A woman’s body: the source of life, love and beauty.   As such, it is a resource to be protected, coveted and desired.  Unfortunately, as a result, man has objectified women.  Women are defined as objects to be obtained and utilized for man’s pleasure.  I came across this current ad for Dolce & Gabbana in a Cosmopolitan magazine which provides some pretty stark evidence to support this reality (later found on the internet)- yes I confess I was paging through it while getting my hair cut and was shocked.  The Dolce & Gabbana advertisement depicts women as sexual objects; nurtured by and for sale to men.

I mean the two primary women pictured in this advertisement are dressed and posed as mere objects for the men to gape at.  On the left side of the photo, a woman, scantily clad, wears a spring themed outfit, representing nature.  The print of her suit is strategically placed as the stem of the flowering plant appears to be growing from her genitals; signaling her ability as a woman to bear fruit.  This could be a sign of power but for the men to her left, who fertilize and feed her with the bread of life in the most convenient form of a phallus which she heartily consumes.

To the extreme right of the ad, is a woman wearing gold coins.  The meaning of this could not be more clear as this woman epitomizes objectification by becoming a product that can be bought.  Her value lies in her body, not her intellect or spirit.  Instead, her position implies that she is thrilled to serve men in this way as her hand anticipates grabbing the phallus of the pelvic thrusting man close beside her.  Both of these women’s bodies are being used as objects to display clothing to other women in order to help them attract men, perpetuating the cycle.

Okay.  Some may say I’m bending things out of proportion, after all is just an ad for clothes, right?  But then why depict women in a way that dehumanizes them?  As long as women’s bodies are used to propagate the patriarchal belief that women are objects, they will be controlled by men.  If women have as much power as men seem to fear we do, then we also have the power to break the cycle.  Perhaps we should stop trading our freedom for attention and simply redefine ourselves as human beings; equal and whole.