Archive for the 'trust' Category


Growing together

photo (8)It’s all about perspective.

One day I’m worrying about how everything is going to work out, and the next, it all seems to be falling into place.  It’s been a pretty busy couple of weeks, well, really semester, but I’m finding that because I’m finally able to focus on the big picture, the details aren’t stressing me out as much.  I’m only one person and I can only do what I can do.  This seems like an easy lesson, but it’s been a long time lesson for me to learn.  And I probably will have to learn it again and again.

But I am encouraged.  I feel that I am being launched from my education with my dreams still intact and the energy to reach for them.  With all of the challenges that have been presented to my husband and I in these past couple of years, I was certain how things were going to turn out.  I’m very thankful that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and so many wonderful people came alongside to help me get there.

People who usually don’t stand in the limelight but who are going about their everyday lives, just being themselves and shining their light ahead for others to follow.  People who silently take your hand and let you cry when you need to.  People who I see as the real stars in life.  I can only hope that I can be that to others throughout all of my journeys.  Because that is what it is really all about; taking each step together.

I hope we can keep growing together…


clean slate

clean slateHow does disrespecting someone build a relationship?

This was a question I was asking myself as I listened to someone tell a roomful of people that they don’t know anything about what they do.  For me, I immediately shut down, realizing that even if I should speak or try to have a discourse with them, they would not hear me.  The irony was that the purpose of the meeting was to learn about how to collaborate and build good working relationships.

Once I recognized that they just needed to feel like they had a voice and needed to be heard (not necessarily by me, but by what/who I represented-a wound from their past), I was able to let go and be silent.  However, does that give them the right to immediately through me into the same category as the other negative experiences they had?  And also disrespect me without even taking the time to get to know me?

All of this brings me back to the simple desire for us to be understood and empathize with one another.  Our world would be a much better place if we could all see things from more than one perspective.  How do we do this?  Listen.  But also share with respect and patience.  However, there are also times when one needs to be noisy and act with immediacy; this too needs to be done with respect and specificity.  Once we start throwing around generalities at a large majority, we will most likely not be heard.

So how can we share our wounds in a respectful way which does not negatively impact new and potential relationships?  How can we start each relationship with a clean slate?  We need to figure this out because our future depends on it.


a future unchanged

a future unchangedEqual pay for equal work.   Seems simple enough: evidently not.

Here we are again.  Another step to bring equality to women and it is being fought tooth and nail.  Some claim that the Equal Pay Bill is just a ploy to stir up votes; frankly, I don’t care.  We need to use whatever methods are necessary in this patriarchal society to get something that will put us on more equal footing.  How and why else would politicians want to help us?  Out of the goodness of their hearts?  Okay maybe that was a bit harsh.

It just slays me how many times women come so close to obtaining more rights and standing with men just to have it snatched out from under us.  There’s an ongoing backlash occurring and we don’t want to admit or see it.  We don’t want to believe that our fellow human beings would want to keep us oppressed and in a lower, more dependent position.  After all, these are the people that women call partners, lovers, friends, sons and fathers; and these are the same people that call us partners, lovers, friends, daughters and mothers.  So why does it seem so easy for us to be dehumanized when it comes to forming laws, practices, behavior, institutions and policies which give us the same things that our fellow humans already possess?

When do we stop accepting a second rate citizenship and stop playing by the rules which keep us under the control of our “fellow” citizens?  What will it take to break through and receive what is rightfully ours?  Or will we forever legitimize the ongoing inequality taking place every day, passing on a future unchanged?


forever friends

forever friendsWhat does it mean to be a friend?

There are all different kinds of friendships.  There are those that just last for a short amount of time; providing a reference point and sense of belonging in a new place or perhaps helping you transition.  There are those that come during a difficult time in one’s life; relating and comforting you as you heal.  There are those that journey with you during a season of your life; whether that be when you were in school, married, have children or later in life-these friendships run deep during a certain period of time.

Then there are the friendships that last a lifetime.  These friendships see one through all the ups and downs of life and never let go.  They celebrate the victories and hold your hand during the defeats.  Perhaps they are not in your life daily, but you know that at any time you can call them up and they will be there.  Their love covers all time, distance and change.  Finding friends like this is a real treasure.  I had the pleasure of rediscovering two such jewels today.

After four years I went out to lunch with two former coworkers, who were much more than coworkers.  It was as if I still was working alongside them and we didn’t skip a beat.  We shared our hearts with one another with no fear, shame or hesitation; completely exposed and vulnerable.  No awkwardness or apprehension.  No walls to overcome.  Just being real; really ourselves.  Free to be safe in our love for one another.

The time flew by, but the love exchanged across that table is enough to last me another four years until I may see them again.  How do I know?  Because they are friends for a lifetime.  There is an unspoken vow between us.  We know that our love will last.

Friends enrich and change our lives.  The key is holding onto them all.


a lifetime of stories

a lifetime of storiesLetting go is hard to do, as we all know.  But today I found how liberating it can be!

It’s probably pretty obvious that I love writing.  I’ve been working on a story for the past year.  The characters have journeyed with me through some very difficult times.  They’ve been a comfort and an outlet for my painful past, my confusing present and searching future.  With each line I’ve watched them grow, heal and deal with things that I haven’t been able to yet.

Today I shared my work.  The suggestion: complete rewrite.  At first my heart stopped.  Then I realized that these characters will always be with me.  They are a part of me and they have stories to tell which can be shared in the future.  I don’t need to tell all my stories right now.  They have time.  I have time.  My story doesn’t end here.  It’s always growing, always changing.  I’ll never arrive at “The End,” and as a writer, I never want to.

I was able to let go.  I was finally able to let go.  It didn’t matter that it wasn’t a perfect piece of work.  It doesn’t matter that I have to start all over again.  I can set it free.  I told a story and now I can set it free.  And now I’m free.  I can move on.  If I want to come back to the story and rediscover it, I can do that, but it no longer has to hold me back and I don’t have to force it to be something it’s not.

It felt good to let go.  And I’m learning to trust myself, that I will have more stories to find and to tell.  We all have a story to live and to tell and it doesn’t start and end today because we’re all stories at work…


trust without equality?

trust without equalityTrust.  Easy to earn, easy to lose.

I love people.  I love working with people.  But there is something about group projects that have always rubbed me the wrong way.  I’m not sure if professors realize that group projects do not reflect real life working environments.  Although there are definitely similar inequality dynamics in the “real world” as in the school room, there is not the same form of accountability.  So what usually happens?  One person does more work than another.

Case in point.  I started my first group project of the semester this week.  We assigned each person the task of submitting work to the professor each week by a certain time.  When that time rolled around and the group member had not yet sent the information, another group member texted me in fear.  “What should we do?  They haven’t posted yet!  How long should we wait?  Will we offend her?”

For the next three hours I communicated back and forth with each group member, trying to navigate diplomatic accountability.  As the countdown continued and the person still did not send the information, though they told me they would, the other group member and I conceded to step in and do the assignment ourselves.  We communicated this and only the next day did we hear from the other group member.

So we spent more time trying to trust someone and give them time to earn it, than simply doing the task ourselves.  How much time do we give someone to prove themselves?  Do we do it at the cost of the rest of the group’s evaluation?  Unfortunately, this group member totally lost everyone’s trust in the first week!  Right away we’re all on an uneven foot.  How do we proceed but to accommodate for her lack of reliability by doing more work ourselves?  How do we make it fair for us without risking our own grade?

Can one have equality without trust?