I’ve got you in my pocket!

Can the pockets of our clothes reveal our self-perception and society?

Sitting in a movie theater watching the pre-show reel, my husband voiced his concerns for my cell phone.  All possible pockets on my person were bulging because I did not want to bring a purse for this event.  As a result, the only optional home for my cell phone was my back pocket.  This was quite worrisome for my husband who keeps his phone in his front pocket.  When he suggested that as an alternative in order to avoid crushing or breaking the phone (of course he assured me that this was in no way a reflection on the weight or size of my buttocks), I told him that it was impossible.

How is it possible that it should be impossible?  After all, he was able to put his phone in his front pocket.  When I revealed that the front pockets of my jeans were not equipped with large pockets like those on the back, he appeared shocked and confused.   In fact, he stuck his hand in my front pocket to see/feel for himself.  Scandalous, I know.  However, we were not thrown out of the movie theater and continued our discussion.

“Sexist pockets,” I said jokingly.  Can such a ridiculous thing exist?  But it got us thinking about why clothing is made the way it is made.  Everyone’s body is different; shape, size, age, function, etc.  However, designers have discovered a way to classify and label clothing according to a specific standard. The questions that follow are:  who chose the standard, how was it determined and why?  Throughout time the ideal form for the human body has changed.  Has the human body changed drastically over time?  If so, have bodies changed due to some form of adaptation to the environment or in order to accommodate or mimic the trends imposed by society?

Whatever the answers may be, the clothing of our present society reflects certain expectations of different kinds of bodies.  Why do some bodies need or deserve large front pockets and others do not?  Or one can take the opposing perspective and ask why are some bodies are burdened with large front pockets and others are not?  Why are some fabrics used for one body and not another?

Perhaps the most important question to ask is this:  are we allowing society to fit us into their predetermined pockets or are we choosing to fill whatever size pocket we want with who we are?

go ahead, just give up on humanity!

Go ahead, just give up!  It’s not worth it!

Is that how you feel when you try to change things?  It’s so much easier to follow along with the status quo, but when we suffer the effects of our flawed society, we rethink our position.  Take for example our restricted binary gender roles and systems.  Why do we accept only two definitions of what it means to be a male and female/masculine and feminine?  Why do we even have to categorize it at all?

But instead of making the effort to expand our minds about humanity, we remain limited.  It’s too much work.  And why change it?  That’s the easy out attitude.  But what if you were transgender or someone who doesn’t fit into the either or system?  You’d feel rejected by society as even our language has nothing to communicate or identify oneself.  Even if your identity does happen to accommodate the current departmentalizing system, it still continues to force you to define yourself in a very confining way.

Will we ever redefine our society, our culture, our language to include everyone?  Many believe we’ve come so far but when I have friends who do not identify with the he or she pronoun, how can we say we’ve arrived?  We’re not even close.  People fear what they cannot classify.  But I believe that that only prevents us from growing and becoming so much more as human beings; not caught up in putting each other in a box but celebrating and exploring more and more of who we are and can become.

So is humanity worth it?  We must be the change.  Let’s keep fighting for it together.

what a bitch looks like

What does a bitch look like?

I had a lovely day today getting my hair done by a wonderful hair stylist.  She is truly an artist and has a great flair for bold choices (though I’m not one of her clients who makes any).  Professional in all respects, she treats her clients with care and concern and is a great listener.  There are no awkward silences – she is very comfortable to be around; easy to talk to, attentive, thoughtful, funny and smart.  And yet, she told me that based on her appearance, people, especially women, tell her that she looks like, and I quote, an “intimidating bitch even though she’s so nice.”

This leads me to the question, what does a bitch look like?  Did we as a society vote on this and I missed out?  Is there a certain style that one needs to follow in order to achieve the “bitch” look?  Here all along I was getting the wrong impression from society.  I thought they only labelled bitches based on behavior (usually what would normally be perceived as self-assurance in a man).  Now we’re denoting bitchdom simply based on looks?

So let me tell you what a bitch looks like since I evidently have had one doing my hair for the past couple of years.  She’s medium height, average to slender build, long straight jet black hair with kickass blue streaks at the ends, a clear olive complexion, wears glasses, dark and defined make up, earrings and a nose ring, perfectly straight bright teeth resulting in a beautiful smile, gorgeous almond eyes and a great fashion sense.  Do you look like that at all?  If you do, sorry, I’ve got bad news, you’re a bitch.

What are we thinking?  What are we doing to ourselves with these meaningless labels which prevent us from seeing the “nice person” behind the bitch?  Who would have thought that I’d long for the days when only assertive women earned the “b-word”?  Do we not have the time to even say hello to someone before departmentalizing and classifying someone in our minds?  Perhaps those who don’t, need to take a look in the mirror and see if they fit their own image of a —–!