what’s gender got to do with it?

What’s gender got to do with it?  Everything.

In our society gender roles are very distinct.  Despite our attempts to raise children in a gender free society, it’s hard to get around it when all of the baby clothes are either pink or blue.  Think about it; when we’re introduced to someone’s baby, what is one of the first things we want to know?  It’s gender.  Why?  Because then we know how to behave towards the child which in turn teaches them how to act their gender.

But what happens when a person doesn’t fit those prescribed roles?  What if someone feels that they are in-between or even identify more with the opposite gender?  Why does society restrict us to two genders?  After all, we’re all human, so why does our sex determine what role we should play in society?

We’ve been trying to break free of this mentality by giving more rights to women and encouraging men not to be afraid of their “feminine” side.  But will we ever really be equal?  What does it mean to be equal?  Does it mean that we are given the same opportunities?  That in itself is restrictive because we are once again basing the rules and laws off of gender.  You’re a male so you get this; you’re a female so you get those same things too.  Will we ever be able to look beyond this classification and see one another simply as human beings with unalienable rights?

I can only hope that we will one day live in a world that does not exclude those who do not fit into society’s quaint little classification system.  In the meantime, we strive to redefine what it means to be male, female, transgender, transsexual so that they all reflect what is most important: humanity.

public stories

Had a little look inside another world today – that of a tattoo artist.

We, self-included, tend to have certain ideas about people who participate in certain kinds of behavior.  Someone with a lot of tattoos maybe judged as extreme, “badass,” criminal or tough.  However, the reality is something totally different.  Why does this specific form of artistic and self-expression get a bad rap?

For the artist I met today, the art of the tattoo saved his life and has made him an entrepreneur.  Not too shabby for someone stereotyped as a hoodlum.  Having one’s art displayed on the human form, living, walking and breathing is a beautiful opportunity.  It combines science and nature.  One’s imagination becomes reality on their bodies.

I’ve never considered having a tattoo before, but after this behind the scenes experience, I will seriously consider it and admire those who both practice the art and appreciate it.  Many do not consider tattooing an art.  Some believe it is a desecration of the body.  And to others, it expresses a rebellious and dangerous spirit which people tend to fear or avoid.

People get tattoos for many different reasons.  In some cases it’s just for fun or on a dare.  For others it is a very personal expression or way to remember an event or person.  Many appreciate the artistry and connect to this form of self-expression.  So how can we judge someone based on what’s on their skin?  With art, there is always a story being told.  And I admire those who choose to share their story in a very public way through a tattoo.  Tattoos invite a dialog and vulnerability.

We need better communication in a society struggling with real social connection.  So let’s encourage each other to share our stories through any and all art forms-even the negatively stereotyped tattoo.

sissy grief

Loss is loss, right?  So why do we as a society put expectations on how each gender should or should not grieve?

As time passes, I feel badly for my husband because he truly has not had much time to grieve.  He immediately had to go back to work the next week where it’s not exactly appropriate to be weeping constantly.  In addition, he just started participating in a carpool so even the time he previously had to and from work is monopolized.  And because he works later I am always home before him.  There is no time.

But in addition to that, I see how people treat us differently when we share the loss with them.  It seems totally acceptable that I should cry and even struggle focusing or with some depression.  But many look to my husband to be strong and hold it together.  He himself has even expressed his concerns about me and wanting to meet my needs.  On countless occasions he has assured me to take all the time I need and feel free to express my emotions.  But I want to be there for him too.  I want to meet his needs through this process; after all, we’re in this together.

So why does society place these expectations on us according to our gender?  Why do we put this on ourselves?  Do men not feel loss as deeply as women?  NO!  Are women incapable of supporting their husband should they get emotional?  NO!  Why do we just tell ourselves and each other to suck it up and move on?  Is this a sign of weakness?  And if that is the case, do we want to live in a world where we emotionally isolate ourselves from one another so that we never feel the pain of loss?

Time heals all wounds.  But if we’re not exposing them to the open air, how will we ever breathe freely again?

epitome of masculinity

Bond, James Bond.  The epitome of masculinity.  Men love him.  Women love him.  So why doesn’t this translate into reality?

Yesterday my husband and I watched a James Bond film.  Today we had a discussion about the representation of masculinity in the media and entertainment.  Men are taught and trained to how to be a man’s man.  James Bond sets a prime example.  As a result, men learn to be cold-hearted, emotionless, calculating creatures who view women as objects of pleasure.  And we wonder why there is gender confusion and conflict!?

On the opposite end of the spectrum, society through the years, has exaggerated what it means to be feminine.  As a result, society views women as weak, soft, illogical; out of control emotional creatures who need men to serve as sources of security and protection.  Why do we persist on distancing ourselves from one another by turning up the volume on our differences?

Yes, we are different.  But we are also more the same.  Couldn’t we stop obsessing and measuring masculinity and femininity and simply focus on being better, well-balanced human beings?  I mean, isn’t that enough of a challenge?  Until we end our promotion of the ideal genders we’ll never be free to just be.  It’s up to us to boycott the images and ideas bombarding us and future generations with false and unrealistic expectations.

The irony is that in many stories the men who are emotional and sensitive end up dying as a result or lose out in one way or another.  Meanwhile, the tough and cool James Bond lives on to see another day.  But what kind of existence is that?  Sure he lives on to fight another fight, but if one feels nothing, are they really experiencing life?  Perhaps instead of defining gender by quantity we need to look at the quality of life and determine what really matters.

In the end, what will mean the most?  Living the best life as a human being or fulfilling society’s definition of masculinity?