merely objects

Are women merely objects?

A woman’s body: the source of life, love and beauty.   As such, it is a resource to be protected, coveted and desired.  Unfortunately, as a result, man has objectified women.  Women are defined as objects to be obtained and utilized for man’s pleasure.  I came across this current ad for Dolce & Gabbana in a Cosmopolitan magazine which provides some pretty stark evidence to support this reality (later found on the internet)- yes I confess I was paging through it while getting my hair cut and was shocked.  The Dolce & Gabbana advertisement depicts women as sexual objects; nurtured by and for sale to men.

I mean the two primary women pictured in this advertisement are dressed and posed as mere objects for the men to gape at.  On the left side of the photo, a woman, scantily clad, wears a spring themed outfit, representing nature.  The print of her suit is strategically placed as the stem of the flowering plant appears to be growing from her genitals; signaling her ability as a woman to bear fruit.  This could be a sign of power but for the men to her left, who fertilize and feed her with the bread of life in the most convenient form of a phallus which she heartily consumes.

To the extreme right of the ad, is a woman wearing gold coins.  The meaning of this could not be more clear as this woman epitomizes objectification by becoming a product that can be bought.  Her value lies in her body, not her intellect or spirit.  Instead, her position implies that she is thrilled to serve men in this way as her hand anticipates grabbing the phallus of the pelvic thrusting man close beside her.  Both of these women’s bodies are being used as objects to display clothing to other women in order to help them attract men, perpetuating the cycle.

Okay.  Some may say I’m bending things out of proportion, after all is just an ad for clothes, right?  But then why depict women in a way that dehumanizes them?  As long as women’s bodies are used to propagate the patriarchal belief that women are objects, they will be controlled by men.  If women have as much power as men seem to fear we do, then we also have the power to break the cycle.  Perhaps we should stop trading our freedom for attention and simply redefine ourselves as human beings; equal and whole.

 

 

It’s all relative

Family members are considered relatives.  But time is also termed as relative.

As our trip back to my home state comes to an end, I couldn’t help but think of relativity.  Several times throughout the trip we encountered things that we now view so differently.  Distances that felt long before race by; cities and directions that were confusing or intimidating now appear manageable; things we used to fear have become normal.  It’s like another lifetime and another world.  The whole experience was very surreal.

My aunt actually asked if we imagined ourselves doing and going the places we’ve been in the past several years.  I guess one can imagine to an extent the end goal, but until you experience it, you can’t begin to imagine the journey getting you there.  The more I explore, the more I can imagine.  The more I imagine, the bolder my explorations become.  And those explorations turn into new adventures, possibilities and opportunities I would never have fathomed.

Coming back to my roots gave me perspective on my life.  It helped me remember where I came from and where I am going.  It gave me strength and confidence to continue moving ahead, knowing that the next big step in my journey, though scary, will also become relative once I’ve experienced it.  Looking back can give one courage to embrace the present and move into the future because we remind ourselves of all the ground we’ve already covered and the exciting unknown territory still ahead of us, just waiting to be discovered.

As I graduate this year and start the next step in my life, I know that even in the face of the new and unfamiliar, in time, it will all become relative.

revolving door of life

Ever feel like a revolving door?

Why does it seem so easy for women to revolve their lives around others?  People come in and out of our lives, quickly gaining access to our hearts and resources, and then after getting what they want or need, promptly exiting.  Do we have so many people and responsibilities in our lives that we simply lose ourselves in the process?

I have a friend who has been struggling with her identity, though I don’t know if she is aware of it.  Usually when it’s happening to you, you don’t realize it (I surely didn’t when I fell into the pattern).  First came marriage, then the responsibilities of home ownership and finally children.  In addition to working full time, she still does all of the cooking, cleaning and taking care of the children.  Slowly, our conversations went from how she felt about things and her dreams to what her husband thought was best.  It was strange because we used to have these deep conversations about life and they receded to making strategic purchases.  Before I knew it, I knew more about her husband’s schedule and needs than about her.

Women have so much to give.  And we do it well.  Perhaps too well at times.  We give and give and give until we lose ourselves.  For me, this endless giving was in line with what I learned from my mother.  Hers was a model of continuous selfless giving which I could not match.  I felt bitter as I found that I had become so flexible that I didn’t even know what my preferences were or how I enjoyed spending my free time because any free time was spent doing for others.  However, doing anything less than that made me feel guilty.

So how do we put a stop in the door?  We all need to come to some kind of cross roads in our lives.  We all need to take our own journey.  For some, they are able to juggle and play the revolving door until perhaps their kids go to college, unable to see that they have any other choice but to persevere.  For others, like myself, they experience a mid or early life crisis of identity which forces them to get off this path.  Neither is healthy, for we tend to regret the loss of time and the pain involved in recovering from feeling ill-used and losing a sense of self.

Can we stop the revolving door?  Does having that “happy ending” mean making so many compromises that we lose ourselves in the process?

undercover exploitation

Exploited.  That’s the best way to describe it.

This morning I went to a conference labelled a “Woman’s Conference.”  It was sponsored by a politician and featured a fancy Hollywood actress talking about the cause she advocates.  We had some wonderful breakout sessions which addressed real women’s issues, but were more on a very personal/private level like diet and finances.  Then we were all huddled back into the main auditorium to hear the main speaker share her message.  And it wasn’t about us.

I found myself looking around wondering where I was?  Was this a woman’s conference or a fundraiser?  Was this about hearing the voice and issues of women or having a captive audience for someone else’s agenda?  Was this a ploy to gain votes?  The answer to all these questions is yes.

Once again, we had been duped into believing that someone actually wanted to give us a time to ourselves.  To recognize that we make up 50% of the population and workforce.  That our issues deserve to be given a voice; a special time to gather and address the need for our society to change, bringing gender equality.

Hundreds of women gathered and no mention of these issues.  Hundreds of women and no voice.  Hundreds of women lured with tips on healthy cooking and how to buy a home in order to silence them further with the messages of others.  Hundreds of women who let it happen.  Oh what I would have given to see us stand and revolt!  To stop that politician mid-sentence and explain to him what a woman’s conference is about; women.

How can we make them hear our voice through their own agenda?  How loud do we need to get before they listen?  When will we stop attending women’s conferences organized by men and instead, organize them ourselves and invite men?